I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
