I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
