whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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