so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
