we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize