Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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