he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
