i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize