saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
