My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
