so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
