he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
