I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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