What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
