I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
