Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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