I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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