for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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