Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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