Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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