It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
