Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
