i permit you to call me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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