i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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