No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
