There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
