he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
