one two three fourrrrnication!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
