just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
