This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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