I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
