fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
