I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
