the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
