I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
