I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
