I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
