heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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