Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
