Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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