his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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