Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
