Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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