Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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