I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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