dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
