ya dads aren't the best wingmen
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
