just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
