Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
