some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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