theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
