They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
