We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
