I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
