worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
