Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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