I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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