I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
