How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
