quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
