I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
