Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize