Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
