Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Quick, to the slutcave!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
