I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dear god my vagina.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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