his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
