did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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