Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
