Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
