You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
