I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
