i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
