Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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