everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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