I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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